


“I’m not crazy, am I?”

by Kloan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cutting, Depression, M/M, Minor panic attack, Self-Harm, but its ok cause tsukki is there!, dont read if you're triggered easily by this stuff, sadyama, slight bit of kagehina cause they're cuties, slightly happier yama at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 12:35:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6374995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kloan/pseuds/Kloan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another bad serve, another bad mark, another student teasing him. It was a little too much for Yamaguchi today. Practice was a little fun, but it could've been better. There was only two things that could make him feel better, and one of them was Tsukishima.</p>
            </blockquote>





	“I’m not crazy, am I?”

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Self-harm, panic attacks, anxiety
> 
> Desperation is one hell of a thing
> 
> (I should really write a happier fanfic wow.)
> 
> Ok I promise my next one will be happier! (I can take requests and I'll try my best to do it!)
> 
> I wrote this fic after a bunch of drinks so I had to fix it in the morning haha..

The club room was quiet, Yamaguchi could hear Hinata and Kageyama squabbling about something outside, but he couldn’t make out what it was.

He was alone, the last to pack up and change but he stood there, breathing deeply.

He reached into his bag for his clean shirt but his finger brushed up against a small box. He froze, exhaling slowly as he picked it up. It was a box of replacement box cutter knives. He slid one out and admired the blade quietly.

He shot a quick glance to the clubroom door, listening carefully for footsteps. Hinata and Kageyama had already left and the court yard was quiet.

Looking back down at the blade, he lifted his shorts of his right leg high enough to see the other scars and held the blade to his skin.

“Just one little one would be ok, right?” He whispered. He closed his eyes and let his arm slide across, wincing slightly. He inhaled deeply through his nose and exhaled. It was nice being able to breathe again.

He reached for the tissue box when he heard the door knob wiggle open.

“Yamaguchi? Let’s go home.” It was Tsukishima. “You aren’t changed yet? What’s wrong?”

Yamaguchi slapped his hand against the wound, gasping at the pain. He hoped that the bleeding would stop against his gym shorts, thanking the school for giving them black shorts.

“Y-Yeah! I’ll be out in a bit, you can wait outside for me if you want, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi tried to give his brightest smile, hoping that Tsukishima didn’t see the blade in his hand or that the blood-

“Yamaguchi? Are you bleeding? Oh was it from that fall earlier today? Is it still bleeding?” Tsukishima inched closer towards him, concern tinting his eyes. Darn his caring friend

Yamaguchi started to panic and took a step back, wincing at the weight on his right leg. “I’m fine Tsukki! Really! The blood is nothing I swear-” He looked down, the blood had created a steady flow down his leg now and stained his white socks. “I’ll just get this cleaned up, just wait for me outside!” He could feel the lump in his throat and tears in his eyes, clutching his blade behind his back.

“What’s behind your back.” Tsukishima was practically hovering above him now, placing Yamaguchi between him and the locker. “Show me your hands.” His eyes were wide with curiosity, but he knew.

“Tsukki… Please, it’s not what it looks like.” Yamaguchi begged, trying desperately to blink back the tears, but they fell mercilessly.

Tsukishima wordlessly reached out and gently touched his right arm that was hidden behind his friends back. “It’s ok, you can tell me.”

Yamaguchi bursted out in sobs, unable to control his breathing. Dropping the blade on the floor, he grabbed at his chest, trying to inhale. “I- can’t b-breathe-”

“Shit.. Yamaguchi, I’m here, it’s ok.” Tsukishima quickly wrapped his arms around his trembling friend, trying to calm him down. “Just listen to my voice, ok?”

“I’m sorry! I just, I didn’t know what I was doing, I’m sorry, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi near shouted into his friends chest, knees bucking with his friends touch. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

He repeated the words between sobs, trying to cover his mouth to silence his crying. “…I’m sorry.”

“Look at me, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima said, once the trembling died down. He took a step back and let go of his friend but his hands on his shoulders.

Yamaguchi shook his head forcefully, unable to look up.  His head was starting to get dizzy from the crying and bleeding. “I’m not crazy, am I?”

Tsukishima picked up the blade on the ground and wrapped the blade in some tissue before throwing it out, bringing the first aid kit back to his sobbing friend. “You’re not crazy, it’s ok.” He clicked the first aid kid open and pulled out the alcohol wipes. “Pull your shorts down.”

Yamaguchi blushed deeply and stared down with wide eyes at his blond friend. “W-Wha?”

“You know what I mean, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima said quietly. “We have to clean this up or else it’ll get infected.”

Yamaguchi nodded and wiggled out of his shorts, careful not to brush up the fabric against the new cuts. There weren’t that many but the scars were large and mostly healed. He blushed a little deeper when he realized he was half naked in front of his friend, only wearing boxers. But it didn’t bother Tsukishima, who ripped open an alcohol wipe.

“Don’t look, and hold your breath or something.” Tsukishima said, “It might hurt a little.”

“O-Ok, Tsukki-” Yamaguchi flinched so hard that he slammed his back into the locker with a loud crash, trying not to cry out. He bit his tongue and shut his eyes, tears falling once more.

Once Tsukishima was done cleaning and bandaging up Yamaguchi’s thigh, he went to pick up the small box of replacement knives.

“Do you really carry this around with you?” Tsukishima examined the box, then back to his friend. “I’m throwing this out.”

“U-Um, yeah ok… Yamaguchi ducked his dizzy head and sunk to the ground, holding his right leg out to not pull at the bandages. “Y-You can go home now, I’ll leave soon.” He mumbled, hugging his other knee.

Tsukishima put back the first aid kit and knelt in front of his friend. “I’ll stay until you’re better, also in case someone walks in on you like this. I can tell them that you’re still hurt from your fall.”

Yamaguchi nodded, tears building up again in his eyes. “T-Thank you, Tsukki.” He whimpered, sobbing again. “I’m sorry I keep doing this to you.” He covered his face with his hands, crying quietly.

“It’s no problem.” Tsukishima said, sitting down beside him. He looked over and took one of his hands in his. “I don’t mind helping you.”

“Thank you, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi repeated, smiling.


End file.
